Your Child's Body Safety: A Parent's 7-Step Guide to "My Body, My Rules

Hey there, parents and caregivers! Real talk, for a moment. You know when your toddler did that thing that one time in the grocery store and pointed to a stranger’s dog and yelled “MOM, WHY DOES THAT DOG HAVE A WEINER?” much less the charm of a foghorn? Yeah, children are gloriously and brutally and hilariously curious about bodies. Theirs, yours, the dog’s … no privacy is sacred.

And you know what? That’s actually awesome sauce. And this never-ending question train is not just adorable — it’s a golden opportunity. This is your opportunity to lay a groundwork of safety and respect that can become, quite literally, life-saving for your child.

But let’s get real for a hot minute, because the stats are nothing to joke about: One in three girls and one in 20 boys will experience some form of unwanted sexual contact before they reach the age of 18, studies have found. That’s a gut punch. But here’s the mighty part: A kid who knows she (or he) is in charge of her body is far less likely to be a victim. And if something were to happen, they’re way more likely to come forward.

So how do we transform these painful conversations into superhero training? We teach them about owning their bodies. Fancy word, simple explanation: It’s the right to decide what happens to your own body. It’s the “my body my rules” policy taken to its ultimate extreme.

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Step 1: Use the Word Vagina (Or Vulva)

Cut the crap with cutesy code names, people. We need to start using the real anatomic names, as well: penis, vulva, vagina, bottom. Begin all this in the diaper-changing years. There is no such thing as “too young.”

Why this refusal of all “woo-hoos” and “pee-pees”? When we opt to secretly call things by silly names, we inadvertently teach children that these body parts are secret and shameful. Breaking news: genitals are regular, healthy body parts! Calling attention to them out loud also makes it obvious that they’re not the subject of a taboo conversation, which is vital for safety.

The Fine Print: It’s also important to clarify who can see or handle them, and when. For instance: “It’s O.K. for Mom or Dad to help you clean your vulva/penis when you take a bath,” or, “A doctor can look when it is time for your check-up if I or a nurse are with you.” This teaches context, not fear.

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Step 2: The ‘No’ That Works on Grandma, Too

We’re constantly making children uncomfortable by, “Give Aunt Susan a hug!” or "Go kiss Grandpa goodbye!" This well-meaning habit transmits a heinous message: That their comfort doesn’t count, that adults have unlimited access to their bodies.

Time to change the script. Teach your child that they have the right to say “no” to a hug or other physical contact, even from a grown-up. This is HUGE. To prevent any family drama, offer them some great options instead. Train them to give a high-five, thumbs-up, cool handshake or simply say “Bye! Love you!" It allows them to show respect without having to relinquish their own body. It’s a win-win.

Step 3: Touch Not Lest Ye Be Touched (or You Ask to Be)

And bodily autonomy is a two way street. No more than your child is entitled to a bubble of their own, so is everyone else. Teach them to ask first before tackling a friend for a hug.

A simple, "Can I have a hug?" or "Want to high-five?" is all it takes. And the most important part? They don’t go on unless they hear that verbal “YES!” This teaches consent from the absolute beginning. No is no and only an enthusiastic yes should be the green light.

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Step 4: The Touch-O-Meter OK NOT OK

Kids are concrete thinkers. Aid them in cataloging touches, simply.

OK Touches: When these feel good, they’re experienced as happy, safe and loving. Like a hug from you when they’re sad, a high-five from their coach, or Dad’s goodnight kiss.

NOT OK Touches: These are touches that are weird, scary, confusing or uncomfortable/hurt. This could include anything like touching between their legs that is not for health or hygiene (as you described in Step 1), or any touch that they get the “icky” feeling about in their tummy.

Arm them with the ability to believe in that “icky” feeling. It’s their internal alarm system.

Step 5: Secrecy Keepers vs. Secrecy Tellers

All secrets are not equal. This is a critical distinction.

OK Secrets: These are going to be fun and fleeting, like planning Dad’s surprise birthday party, or what they got him for Father’s Day. The outcome is joy.

NOT OK Secrets: These are secrets that leave them feeling scared, sad or uncomfortable. Any secret that is physical (having to do with private parts), hurting someone, or hiding a feeling is a NOT OK secret. Socialize: NOT-OK secrets are not to be kept. Say to them, “No matter what any adult tells you, even if they say you’re going to get in trouble, if it’s a NOT OK secret your job is to tell me or another trusted adult right away.”

Step 6: The “No Blame, No Shame” Guarantee:

This might be the most important step. Kids are often manipulated by abusers who say, "It’s your fault," or "You’ll be in huge trouble if you tell."

Give your child an unbreakable rule: "If something happens to your body that you don’t like, it is NEVER your fault. Period. You will NEVER be in trouble for telling me. I will always believe you."

Parents, your reaction is everything. If your child gathers the courage to tell you something, your first job is to stay calm, listen, and BELIEVE THEM. Your support is their lifeline.

Step 7. Build Their Safety Squad

Kids might not tell their parents first. It’s a severe truth. Help them come up with a security network. List all of the five people you can speak with if something bad happens to each finger. It may be a teacher, a school counselor, a favorite coach, a neighbor, or a friend’s parent. And here’s why it’s vital for them not to be a family member: “If the first adult doesn’t believe you or doesn’t help, don’t give up! Go to the next person on your list. Keep telling until someone listens.” The conclusion: Let me put it this way: The first time you have these discussions, it may feel a little off.

But let’s change our perception: it isn’t about having one terrifying “chat.” In other words, this is about integrating these principles from the age of two into everyday life. This is about educating your kids in a way that gives them the tools to tackle circumstances with confidence, consideration, and security. It doesn’t matter.

I believe in you. Arm your children with their own bodies. That’s the most potent armor they’ll never obstinate. As far as real-talking parenting life goes, and socialikeheda.com, do we give you more than enough food for thought? We have your back!